A quest for insight

The health cooker

UPON arriving in Zhuhai, near Macao and Hong Kong, after three years in Southwest China, where the only real western restaurant 10 years ago was at the Holiday Inn, I asked, to my future demise, "Is there a McDonald's here?"

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Money from the wife?

SOME of the best insight to today's rapidly changing Chinese culture comes from the people themselves. The following vignettes are edited from several adult students' homework assignments. Hometown gone:

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On TV and never, ever off

MY first experience on Chinese television was a talk show for which I was given a list of questions in advance. Well prepared to answer some of them in Chinese even, I sat with the hostess in front of the cameras full of confidence.

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Sleepless in Sinoattle; acceptance of life

AFTER a rare, and oh too brief, moment of silence in the wee hours on the street outside explodes what sounds like two angry bull elephants screeching out their lust as they stomp heavily toward each other for the nth time in the past week.

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Hilarious ignoramus 250

You might laugh your socks off. Just how stupid one can be here in Cathay involves 250, or er bai wu (sounds like "are buy woo"). It's just a number, but the math applies to you and me, too.

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Treat all your vegetables as though they've been pooped on

WASH your vegetables. Wash them again. Then wash them a third time. If you have ever helped prepare dinner with a family in China, you have observed a meticulous protocol for handling food. It speaks loads about this ancient culture.

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Tibetan temple travels the world

A POPULAR attraction at the 1933 Century of Progress Chicago World's Fair was a red, green and gold temple that was conceived in Tibet, born north of Beijing at the whim of an emperor, cloned for show in both Chicago and New York and is now to be reincarnated at a placid lake i …

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Cockroaches, soot bite the dust

THIS morning I discovered the source of mysterious dirt in my former abodes. Meanwhile, something else filthy worldwide had miraculously disappeared here.

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Get smarter for the 2008 Beijing Ao-lin-pi-ke

AFTER having ka-fei, a mai-fen, piece of tu-si and rice bu-ding for breakfast, I took the public ba-shi downtown and picked up some a-si-pil-in and wei-ta-mings at the drug store.

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Little boys who changed China

THERE are certain bubbles of brilliance in time and place from which emerge small groups of people destined to change the world. The thinkers of ancient Athens provide a classic example. One of the least known, however, is my adopted hometown in China.

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Wah! Boo! Yeow! Frightful language for healthier food

AT a restaurant the other night, I told the waiter, "Wo bu yao fei de" (sounds like: wah boo-yeow Fay-duh), meaning I did not want fat on my meat. Oh, I turned to my Chinese guest, "I also don't want MSG, but forgot the word. How do you say MSG in Chinese?"

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Nude as the nun above

THE American sense of humor is a cultural thing, completely missed by some, misunderstood by others and misinterpreted by the rest. It is, in two words, irreverent and insensitive. Here, for the sake of comparison, is a classic example of Chinese humor:

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Say it and die: Fossil fuel costs more

The first "red flag" upon reading of the plane crash was why someone so involved in renewable energy would fly his own aircraft to a holiday destination.

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Romance ensures perfect timing for labor; an orgy of survival

Valentine's Day was clearly a pagan conspiracy to get all the fertile young people hopping into bed and bopping about on the same night.

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Family harmony meatballs

WE had a big garden back in Vermont and a country house heated by a wood stove. I would dry herbs from the kitchen ceiling and toast crumbs while cooking down sauces or simmering pot roasts and porridges atop the household kiln throughout the day.

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Auspicious move, just in case

WHAT is the most auspicious day to move in this month and does it really matter?

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Sex in a tube

Please follow explicitly these instructions on what you are supposed to do in a twinkling, how long it takes to get the skin tight, what to do with your hand, where to place your gum and what to wipe up with afterward, and finally a caution about deposits that could lead to child …

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Centered in the heart to create reality

NEW Year's resolutions are as easy or hard to keep as carving a phoenix.

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Happy to be robbed

THREE concepts that are rather difficult for westerners to grasp are: 1. That thievery is your fault, not the thieves'. 2. Being happy that you were just robbed. 3. Doing nothing – except staring – when someone else is in trouble.

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Great explorer's ghost

HE died alone and childless at home in Stockholm, the picture of the woman he loved, but left behind for his many trips to Asia, at his bedside. I first saw him in 1965 as I drove home from night classes.

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Beer, corn and toilet talk

THE quickest way to learn some Chinese words is by association. For instance, when most men arrive in China for the first time, they want to be able to order beer. But the word "pijiu" is difficult for them to remember.

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7 dwarfs of Christmas

LAST week it made perfect sense to see Snow White bidding Santa Claus farewell.

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Waggly tail

A Chinese friend says not to be so picky about food. But as a kid, I swore to eat only what I wanted as an adult. Didn't know then what China would be serving up.

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Thank heaven

CONFUCIUS considered that heaven had a will and could be prayed to. I tested this theory at the college this past week and, sure enough, the Chinese people I tried to choke from behind exclaimed, "Wo de tian!" – My heaven!

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About John Hedin

Articles Posted: 39
Links Seeded: 67
Member Since: 8/2006Last Seen: 11/20/2009

I came to China to see for myself ...

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